Now that I dress this way I wish I always did.
I feel better about myself dressed like this.
Older people respect me more now and call me sir.
Author Archives: Erick's Brain
About Erick's Brain
Shut The Fuck Up You Fucking Bitch
I was walkin out tha deli at tha same time this ugly white lady was walkin in. She swung tha door open, so I walked out as she held it. She said, “you’re welcome!” in a sarcastic way. I said, “oh, thank you” and kept walkin. Then I said to myself, “shut tha fuck up, you fuckin bitch.”
Why Black Dudes Don’t Like Black Chicks
Cause Black dudes know they’re a hot commodity.
Cause Black chicks act like Black dudes ain’t shit.
Cause Black dudes don’t like being challenged.
Cause Black chicks expect too much.
Cause Black dudes ain’t trying to spend too much money.
Cause Black chicks always trying to spend money.
Cause Black dudes want a happy chick.
Cause Black chicks are bitter.
Cause Black dudes like variety.
Cause Black chicks act like they don’t need a dude.
Cause Black dudes need a supportive chick.
Cause Black chicks always talkin bad about Black dudes.
Cause Black dudes want a confident chick.
Cause Black chicks always hatin on another chick.
Cause Black dudes ain’t trying to hear all that bullshit.
Cause Black chicks think they too good for most Black dudes.
Cause Black dudes can get a Black chick if they really want one.
Cause Black chicks always at the club lookin for handouts.
Cause Black dudes see Black chicks always at the club trying to get free shit.
Cause Black chicks all got that same weak ass Louis Vuitton purse.
Cause Black dudes need some time to get they shit straight.
Cause Black chicks act like they got all they shit straight.
Cause Black dudes see chicks from other races getting asses now.
Cause Black chicks are starting to look fat.
Cause Black dudes like gettin they dick sucked.
Cause Black chicks act like they don’t suck dick.
FB Finally Goin’ Public
Hmmm… Facebook predicted to launch under the stock symbol $FB on the NYSE at $38-40 per share. It’ll def be worth getting fresh out the gate.
Thing about trading stock is you HAVE to find the “brighter” side to every event, even if it’s cause of a tragedy. Bright side to FB goin public? All the newbie traders will feel compelled to hop the bandwagon when FB’s stock spikes the first week.
That will most def be the cause of a short term tragedy.
Two good examples of this tragic market prediction; Linkedin and Zynga. Granted, Facebook is way more popular than those two. Doesn’t change the fact they’re all social media platforms.
So, when it comes to $FB it’ll probably be the usual social media “get in and get out” stock job… I like how I gave that a bank robbery feel.
If you read Mark’s letter to potential investors you’d clearly see he has absolutely NO real game plan for FB’s foreseeable stock future. I’ve read some IPO letters before, and frankly I just didn’t see enough numbers, decimals, and percentages in his.
And the “Hacker Way” thing was sorta the icing. Basically, “we at FB are just gonna wing it when it comes to this stock stuff. Ya know?”
I Am Not Boyfriend Material
1: I bottle up my emotions.
It’s not like I don’t have emotion. It’s more like I don’t really need them. Like, what good are they for anyway? It’s not like I can pay bills with them, or the train is gonna come faster if I cry about it. I know it’ll probably be better if I express myself to the woman I love and all, but then I’ll feel like a bitch. I’m no bitch. Okay, if someone really close to me passed away, then I can see me being emotional. But like, I can’t see myself getting all bent outta shape over a chick telling me I’m “immature and need to man up and take the reigns in this relationship, because I need more than just a boy. I need a man.”
2: I am not romantic.
I really can’t seem to nail this one. I’ve given this a shot before. Like, teddy bears, diamonds, expensive restaurants, candles, chocolates, surprise gifts, etc. But, I think I always ruin it when I’m like, “See!?” And it all boils down to, “what the fuck yo!? Let’s just do it!” The reality is, I don’t really wanna be romantic. I’ve heard that the right woman will bring the romance out of me. Wrong! My take on it is, the right woman won’t expect me to do corny shit.
3: I do not like spending money.
Yeah so, the word for this apparently is “cheap”. That is the most inaccurate term. I prefer the term “genius”, because I’ll spend money on shit I need. I just won’t spend my money on stupid shit. Like, what’s the difference between Dallas BBQ and that one really expensive sushi restaurant? Try like, good food and about 30 or 40 less dollars. Plus, sushi sucks! So anyway, you wanna spend all that extra dough just to say we did it. I can understand that. But, you see my face now? I didn’t have fun, and you can fucking tell.
4: I like to stay at home and sleep.
I don’t understand why this is such a huge problem. I thought everyone loved to do this. I’ve realized when you have a girlfriend, you can NEVER do this. Not because you don’t have the time, but because you’re being selfish if you do this. What the fuck is that? You can even recommend she give it a try. Guess what. Not happenin! She never just lays in bed all day. She loves to go out and experience the world every single day of her life. Fucking Google Earth it yo.
5: I do not like to dress up.
Why do I have to like, be all GQ? We’re just going to Dallas BBQ. Besides, it’s not like I was all dressed up when we first met. Reason, because I never dress up. The fact that I have to all of a sudden become Rico Suave makes me believe that I’m not really the guy she wants. I mean, if we’re going to church (which means we’re fucking married) then okay, I’ll dress up. But, having to go and totally switch up my entire wardrobe to become Maximus Douchedomus for her is just ridiculous.
6: I do not like drinking wine.
Ummm, like, wine is cool and all, but not without some beer or some shots in between, or before, or after or something. And wine tasting is a really feminine event. I’ve done it before, and felt kinda like a bitch when I was done. I like, went straight to the corner store and bought a 24 pack of beer all for myself and drank them all that same night. Nothing against getting really shit faced off wine or anything. I just don’t wanna be expected to be all holding wine glasses all faggy and shit when we go out.
7: I like to look at other women.
Alright, so it’s not like I’m gonna just go up to every hot girl in the street and have sex with her. If I could do that then I wouldn’t be talking about any of this bullshit right now. I’d be doing exactly that. Since this isn’t Fantasy Get Laid Whenever You Want World then I believe we should live in reality. It’s almost impossible to not look. And if I have to defend myself every time my eyes involuntarily wander to a new pair of ass and tits, then I’m just gonna believe I’m not with the right woman. Thing is, I’m not out to cheat or anything. So, I expect some type of flexibility, especially with my eye sockets.
8: I have friends.
“They’re the same motherfuckers I was with the day I met you.” I never understood how my friends become bargaining tools in disputes to hangout. Like, yeah I was with them yesterday, but I was with you yesterday too! And me and you hung out way longer! Having friends while you have a girlfriend can go one of two ways, both bad. The cooler your friends are, the less you need to be around them. If your friends are losers according to her then you need to drop them all together. And her friends? You can’t like them. Why? Because SHE can’t stand them. So fucking retarded yo…
9: I do not like women’s entertainment.
This should be so fucking understandable. But you know what? It’s absolutely not. Like, I wouldn’t dare wanna watch football, basketball, or any action movie, or a documentary with my girlfriend if she didn’t wanna watch it. Because I don’t want all the questions and the constant talking and touching and distractions and shit. This does not apply for television and film’s almost 80% women catered programming. Why must I have to endure the drama filled trash to prove I have a sensitive side, or care what she’s into? Fuck team Jacob yo.
10. I just want to do it.
What the fuck!? Let’s just do it!
Cost Rica, Why Not?
I woke up on a bus which was fairly empty, besides the few people scattered in the front and the middle sections. I was sitting in the very back, fittingly. I had on a grey hoody and jeans, but it was warm. Unusual, because it is winter. I remembered why I was on the bus. I was going to visit my friend in Queens. Although, to be on the bus was quite odd. I should be on the LIRR.
I sat up and gathered my thoughts. I looked out the window and saw the desert. Wait, there’s no desert on Long Island. There’s no desert in NEW YORK. Where am I? I recognized everyone on the bus was Latino. I was evidently the only non Spanish speaker. It wasn’t hard to tell, because everyone was speaking Spanish. Okay, besides where am I, where am I GOING?
I figured it’d be wise to find my bearings. I looked outside for road signs, hopefully written in English. That would be great! After a few seconds of travel time, I see a green highway sign overhanging the road. I couldn’t make out the writing, but I recognized the shape of my home state of Texas. Texas!? How long was I sleep? I NEVER been in the desert part of Texas. All I thought was, “I hope this bus is headed for California.”
I come to my senses and think, “why don’t you just go up front and ask the bus driver some questions?” Who knows, there could be a desert and commemorative Texas road signs somewhere in Queens. Even better, we could be headed to Cali. Then I think, “wait, he probably doesn’t speak English well.” My Spanish is trash! Oh well, here goes!
When I get to the front I see the bus driver is a brother. I was kinda surprised he was Black, but not really though. It just made me feel as if he would be more open to help me out. The first question I asked;
“You speak Ingles?”
“A Little.”
“Ahh whatever. ¿Donde estamos vas?”
“Ehhh, Costa Rica.”
Whoa, I thought. Wasn’t expecting to hear that. All I have is the clothes on my back.
“Okay, Soy no vamos a Costa Rica. I need to get off.”
“Ohhh… Well, jou gah to wai my friend.”
“¿Caunto tiempo? Yo necesito a get off ahora.”
“I saaay, bow ten fifteen minos.”
“Ten or fifteen minutes?”
“Si, ten fifteen minos.”
Ten or fifteen minutes, then I just get off? Nah, I needed more info. I sat down in the first seat behind the driver to think about some things. This was a pretty heavy situation. What about work? How was I gonna explain why I couldn’t come in? What about my friend in Queens? Where was I gonna stay in west Texas? So I asked the driver, “where is this bus coming from?”
“California.”
What? This is fucking ridiculous, I thought. I was in Cali and completely unconscious the entire time? What if I just teleported onto this bitch?
“So there are buses going back to California, right?
“Jeah buh, das ah looong way back, mane. Jou gah to go waaay back to catch de bus.”
“Where to?”
“To de 408”
“How far?”
“Shiii, jou gah to wai ontil we get to the next stop.”
I began to realize he spoke English pretty well. It’s always funny when foreigners do that. Tell you their English is no good to feel you out and see if they really wanna speak to you in English.
After some time, the bus stopped and more people got on. I didn’t get off because the driver gestured me not to. He pointed in the direction of the road, signaling me that I had further to go.
“Where is a good place to go when I get off?” I reckoned I’d need somewhere to hangout before I go a looong way back, as he described it.
“I take jou to de Golden Nugget.”
I didn’t ask. I was simply anxious to get to the Golden Nugget. Ten fifteen minos had long passed by now, but I was becoming careless. The bus driver was cool. He kept everything at ease. It seemed like less than a half a second before he pointed out the window to a RV trailer park.
“Ahhh jes… de Golden Nugget.” Jou gonna like dis, mane. Trost me.”
He eased on the brakes and brought the bus to a slow stop on the dirt road at the entrance of the trailer park. He engaged the air brakes and opened the door. I got off, then he got off. Dude was genuinely concerned, but part of me believed he wanted to hangout at the Golden Nugget. He obviously had himself some wild nights here. We shook hands and he said;
“Aroun eight o’cloh, dey be boarding de buses ah 408,” as he pointed towards the distance to his right. “Jou gah pleny time, mah brodah.”
I looked at my watch and it read 1:08. He was right, I guess I had plenty of time. Standing there I thought, “With all of that, what’s the difference? I don’t even have plans to go to Cali. Besides, I’ve been there before. This might only be the beginning of something new. I’m long overdue for a great adventure. Why not go to Costa Rica?”
Then I woke up for real.
You New York Girl And Your Combat Boots
You must think you tough in them combat boots. Them boots don’t make you tough. You still a little girl. You can’t fight. Them boots don’t make you strong. I bet your feet hurt. You probably think I wanna talk to you. Don’t you, huh?
I kinda thought you looked tough in them combat boots though. Actually, them boots do kinda make you look tough. I can’t just say you a little girl. You probably can fight. Them boots do make you look kinda strong. You probably used to wearin them boots too. I kinda wanted to talk to you as soon as I got on the train.
You look tough in them combat boots. Them boots make you tough. You a strong woman. You can fight. Them boots make you strong. You wearin them boots. This your stop too? What’s your name?
The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975
“The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975” directed by Göran Olsson had to be one of the best documentaries I’ve seen this year. I was deeply engaged and was glued to every single frame and sound bite.
This film is a compilation of never before released footage recorded by Swedish filmmakers. The idea was to reintroduce these images and sounds with added commentary from Erykah Badu, Talib Kweli, Quest Love, and many more, including Angela Davis herself. Angela Davis is so beautiful.
The perspective of how America was seen during the height of the Civil Rights era from the eyes of Swedish media is an experience in itself. I have a deeper appreciation for the movement as a whole, as well as greater compassion for anyone striving for unity and equal rights around the world.
This film is packed with old film and sound bites from Stokley Carmichael, Bobby Seale, Huey Newton, Angela Davis, and a lot of other notable figures who these Swedish filmmakers had yet to release until now. I recommend this film for everyone.
Due For Tuvalu
Through with all the foolish things you rude people do. Truth is no one gets murdered in Tuvalu, not even one or two. So when I leave the United States of Unfairica, Tuvalu is where I’m moving to. Oh and when I go over to Tuvalu, along with me goes my fortune too.
Now What, Bruce?
Two brothers finally reconnect with a long lost karate instructor. The flashbacks of the abuse he inflicted on them enrages one of the brothers to now seek revenge.
PDF link below.
Erick's Brain 