The reality is you’re not cool if you don’t have an online presence, and you’re a social network junky if you have a large online presence. Nevertheless, the social Red Sea has been parted. You’re either in, or you’re out!

Talks of Facebook losing it’s stellar edge it once had in 2005, to its current overpopulation and intrusiveness has not changed the fact that its homepage reached 1 trillion views earlier this week. Twitter is not far behind, and is most certainly catching up in global popularity.

Who’s not on any social networks?

You know who doesn’t have any online profiles, and you know how uncool you think they are too. You’ve tried to get them to succumb to technological advancements in modern society, but they refuse to budge. You hate how they rely on you to know what the fuck is poppin’ for the night, and how they always want you to email them that article you posted last Monday. “Get a fucking profile already!” You say.

What good are these friends?

They never know your whereabouts immediately, nor do they intrude as much as your online friends. They may know your online friends, and even run in the same circle, but they’re socially pure. They come in handy when you wanna hang around people who aren’t subliminally judging you based on your last post or update.

The problem is, you want them to eventually catch up to your social speed by tainting their name and face with the idiotic thoughts of everyday boredom at work, and drunk posts about fornication and vomit.

We need these friends, and these friends need us. It doesn’t change the fact that they are certainly the new aged squares of society. They know they’re lame for alienating themselves, and it’s accepted. Let’s keep them that way as long as possible!